Put the number representing what you are depending on the question. At the end it will look like a phone number and put it in the subject line. Afterwards, consider what you have just done and acknowledge that you are a social lackey to the materialistic media that injects common demographics with a sense of necessity to "connect" with others over an anonymous chain of communication colloquially known as "My Space."

If you do not perform this particular survey and repost it, God will hang and quarter you in front of the pearly gates. Nah, I'm just kidding, God doesn't exist. Just enjoy my cynicism.



Here's your new digits:

Area Code:

Girl: 503
Boy: 626
Hermaphrodite: 319
Smurf: 755

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First Number - The all important relationship status

1 - Gay (because gay people can't be anything but just gay)
2 - In a relationship
3 - Not in a relationship
4 - In an abusive relationship
5 - In an interspecial relationship

6 - Obviously not in a relationship due to various character flaws (i.e. being ridiculously ugly)
7 - About to marry someone because they knocked me up/I knocked them up
8 - Swinger
9 - Single and making a fool of myself by parading myself ostentatiously in front of the preferred sex
0 - In love with a material object

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Second Number - The all important "current mood"

1 - Irritated with My Space bulletins
2 - Attempting to be "deep" in order to fit in with the rest of the pseudo-existential teenagers that populate this dismal world
3 - Initiating a sequence of terrifyingly convincing arguments that justify why cutting myself is totally the cool thing to do
4 - Generally bored
5 - Ignoring the world around me because "no one understands"
6 - Focusing my energy on the least important thing in the world, my "crush"
7 - Finally realizing that there is more to life than "what phone number am I"
8 - Examining my nails because I am too stupid to try to examine my feelings
9 - Pretentious
0 - Seriously considering having a bagel

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Third Number - The all important current shirt color

1 - My shirt is yellow, and this is a very important fact about me
2 - My shirt is red, and this is a very important fact about me
3 - My shirt is purple, and this is a very important fact about me
4 - My shirt is orange, and this is a very important fact about me
5 - My shirt is green, and this is a very important fact about me
6 - My shirt is black, and this is a very important fact about me
7 - My shirt is pink, which is totally not red, and this is a very important fact about me
8 - My shirt is brown, and this is a very important fact about me
9 - My shirt is white, and this is a very important fact about me
0 - I am pretending to not wear a shirt because Internet allows me to lie about what I am truly doing, and not wearing a shirt makes me think I'm portraying myself as "sexy"

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Fourth Number - The all important birth date

1 - My birthday matters, and all my friend should know it
2 - I am egotistical and ridiculous, and expect presents from all my friends, who obviously know the date, time and location I was born, because it is very important to my individuality, even though thousands of people were born exactly the same time as I was
3 - No one understands me, and my parents forgot my birthday last year, boo hoo
4 - I don't deserve a birthday because I am a wanker
5 - I love cake more than presents
6 - The presents I get define the amount of love felt by the person I received them from
7 - I like getting brand name presents and then giving hand made cards to others just to be a cheapskate
8 - I don't know my birthday because I am a crack baby
9 - I like talking about what celebrities I share my birthday with, and how much alike we are
0 - I think birthdays are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, completely opposite from the latest color of manic panic, which is the most important thing of all, until my hair is that color

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Fifth Number - The all important favorite color

1 - My favorite color exists and is a normal color
2 - My favorite color doesn't exist because I am too "depressed" to think about colors
3 - My favorite color is black because I think it makes me look mysterious
4 - My favorite color changes because it depends on what the people around me like
5 - I like responding to a question of favoritism with a "holier-than-thou" sarcastic quip because I want everyone to know how clever I am to think favorite colors are stupid
7 - I'm too much of a pussy to pick a favorite, because I'm afraid the other colors will feel bad
8 - I like the colors I see when I am on drugs
9 - I am colorblind
0 - I truly don't give a fuck

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Sixth Number - The not so important favorite sport? Who thought this shit up?

1 - I like watching idiots prance around in short shorts and conking their head on a soccer ball
2 - I like watching wannabe surfers kick sand in tiny bikinis, while their boobs fly around as much as the volleyball does
3 - I like watching over-sexualized teenagers dance erotically to their gym teachers with pompoms in their hands
4 - I like sitting in an ice rink freezing my ass off to watch a bunch of padded fools hit a piece of plastic with a stick
5 - I enjoy watching people getting maimed while holding a football, whose name has nothing to with the sport (plus the occasional puke)
6 - I think dancing is a sport even though it isn't
7 - I like watching the rare occasion when a player gets hit with a baseball--the useless nine innings are worth that single shot to the nuts
8 - I like tennis because I have horrible hand-eye coordination and a racket has a better chance of hitting something
9 - I like watching people throw a ball into a bucket and make squeaky noises with their sneakers--in other words, I am INSANE
0 - I think pro sports are a fucking joke

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Seventh Number - Of course, the zodiac

1 - My astrological sign determines whether a relationship will succeed or fail
2 - I think tarot cards actually tell the future, and have one of those retarded magnet bracelets to "purify my chakra"
3 - The zodiac is so important to me that I like branding everything I have with the symbol that denotes my astrological birth sign, making me feel both intelligent and mysterious at the same time
4 - Astrology is a blight on the list of sciences
5 - I like messing around with new age-y stuff because it's fun to pretend, but in reality I know it's a joke
6 - I like messing around with new age-y stuff because it's fun, and in reality I think it actually means something, and now I have defiled my integrity for all time
7 - I understand the "health benefits" of crystals
8 - George Bush's ass is smarter than I am
9 - I'm too busy ruing my birth, hating my mother, and shunning everyone around me to pay attention to my sign
0 - WHO THE FUCK CARES

A sad day for the boy.  When will he learn who he will become?

Will God tell him, when he is that petrified statuette of innocence, dancing on the precipice of childhood?

How can his eyes be so pure?  The eyes that lied, that stole the rug from under my feet and forced me to feel remorse.  Those eyes are evil, no eyes of any child.  And yet I see.

The broadness of strokes, daubing familiar paint.  Paint I have felt, tasted, smelled.

He is only a boy, a good boy.  And one day he will be a good/bad man.  How do I cope?

Is it I, Lord?  Must I tell the boy?  Must I show him the evil he will do?

A white witch in his dreams, forseeing the future, making him wet the bed and awaken sweaty with fear and shame.  He tells no one.  And one day the white witch will come.  In the form of a girl, so innocent and true like the boy he was, as undeserving of her fate as he.

When they cry together, child tears, the gap of time between them spans with a rope, and at once they are the same.  Only once, two shining mirror lights reflecting each other.

They are both ashamed.

One life is lost.  A little boy.  Two are born, an innocent girl and the good/bad man, pushing through the folds of time-space exactly as they are.

I have no fear of the white witch, she will never come for me.  I killed her in my strength, left her to rot in the good/bad man's heart.  She is his soul, and they will never rid of each other.

A sad story, but a powerful one.

In the end, this woman survives, the shadows of a scorned girl molted and kept in the depths of her mind, always as a reminder of who she has been.

What she has overcome.

Layer One: On the Outside

Name: Miss Megan
Birthday: In August
Current Location: Telephinterneting Chair
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Blonde
Righty or Lefty: Ambidextry
Zodiac Sign: Virgo

Layer Two: On the Inside

Your Heritage: Irish, Welsh, Manx, Italian, English, and unknown
Your Fears: Rejection, failure, bugs
Your Weakness: Kryptonite
Goal: Enjoy

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your thoughts first waking up: No, I still want to work here
Your bedtime: When I get tired
Your most missed memory: My dreams

Layer Four: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Juice?
McDonald or Burger King: McDonald's has wicked fries
Single or Group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Goodwill
Lipton Tea or Nestea: The raspberry kind
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee

Layer Five: Do You?

Smoke: Like a chimney
Have a crush: Like a pop can
Want to get married: Like a 50's suburban elementary school-aged daughter
Believe in yourself: Like a new ager on speed

Layer Six: In the Past Month

Drank alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall: Yes
Eaten Sushi: Yes
Gone skating: No
Dyed your hair: No, I'm not allowed anymore

Layer Seven: Have Your Ever?

Played a stripping game: Yes
Gotten beaten up: No
Changed who you were to fit in: Everyone has once, but I prefer to highlight the moment when I realized I didn't have to

Layer Eight: Getting Old

Age your hoping to be married: Whenever

Layer Nine: Perfect Mate

Best Eye Color: Shane-colored
Best Hair Color: Shane-colored
Short or Long Hair: Shane-length

Layer Ten: What were you doing...

1 MINUTE AGO: Still being on hold
1 HOUR AGO: Smoking
1 DAY AGO: Leaving Shane's parents house
1 YEAR AGO: Ending my term as the editor, getting ready to move out with Shane

Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence

I LOVE: Triscuit Thin Crisps
I FEEL: Irritated at the IRS
I HATE: Nail-grinding
I HIDE: My underwear beneath my outer clothing
I MISS: Popsicles
I NEED: Financial aid

i dreamt i didn't show up for work for three days, and then i was hiding in a colony of squirrels and i had to lock the doors so they didn't find a human, and then transform into a squirrel and talk to this lady (a human..) about how she loved me and so we had to run away together and be happy, but then i was in a hotel room and this asian lady wouldn't stop trying to clean my room, so i body slammed her (see chris's latest post), and then she started doing the lost in translation thing, you know "lip my stockings," and rolling around on the floor, and then i was in the lobby, and i had to hide my ds because i wasn't allowed to use it, and then i saw my supervisor at a coffee shop that was also a credit union, and she wondered why i hadn't come into work, so i told her i had forgotten about my employment, and she said it was okay because i really wasn't going to be working there for very much longer, and then at the company meeting (?) i was sitting on a rotating chair that wouldn't stop rotating into a corner, and everyone was laughing at me, and i felt sad.

in real news, i've decided i'm going to go back to college.