I have developed an eye twitch.  I don't know when this happened, but I feel like some unemployed Jersey girl with big boobs and lots of mascara.  It's a long story, and anyway, you wouldn't understand the significance of 1:43 a.m.

I have been many places, but one of them is not inside myself.  Has it been so long that I am unable to peer into the depths of my own soul without the help of another?  Am I so distanced that I cannot even reach the only person I know really truly exists?

Enough of that mumbo jumbo, my eye's twitching and my right leg is entirely asleep.  I feel like punching babies, and my cat will not leave this goddamn box alone.  We have several Christmas ornaments lying around, the carnage of kittyhell, the place that our apartment turns into after hours.  I wonder what it would be like to be at home all the time, a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, per se.  I would cook food.  A lot.  We've been being healthy, and I taped the calendar to the refrigerator so we can write goals.  Shane wants to work out every week.  I want to cook healthily for the two of us.  So tonight we had Kraft macaroni and cheese.  I've also devised yet another completely too complicated method for determining how to do the dishes.  Not only that, but I made Shane go through our cookbooks and pick out stuff he wants to eat so I can make "healthy dinner."  I'm such a fucking nut.

Plus, I spent at least a half hour trying to find a good copy of the 7th Harry Potter book in .lit format.  I want to read it.  And the best way to do it is to download it and put it into .jpg files and then read it on my Zune.  But no, Ms. Rowlings has to be a jackass this time around and say "no ebook for this one."  So there's only pirated versions of the .lit format, only even pirated versions of .pdf format.  Well fuck you, Rowlings.  I'm never going to buy your book.  I'll just figure something out over here.

I don't know why I go on these jags of useless attempts to do something weird.  Like find an ebook (when the 300+ I have on my computer aren't enough), find proper conversion software, and put it on my Zune so I can read it without sitting on this godawful computer chair.  I don't know why Shane likes the fucking thing.  Plus, it's a constant reminder of a you-know-who who likes to take advantage of people by pretending they have no interests but their own, and then ignoring protests of unfairness or hurt feelings.  But whatever, it's just a chair.  I'm pretty sure it doesn't have bad juju since I just beat the last castle before Bowser on Super Mario World, so it really is just a chair.

Now the bane of my existence, the tingling pain of formerly sleeping limbs, plagues me and causes my eye to twitch further.  And I'm so tired that my spelling is really starting to go to piss.  I'm even making myself mad just trying to type.  So, since I'm a cheap good-for-nothing freeware slob, I'm going to smoke and read my 6th Harry Potter book, of which each chapter begins "bleebloo," thanks to the French who invented the chapter division tool that needs a keyword to put images of each chapter in a different folder.  Why I chose "bleebloo" for the keyword, I have no clue.  It must be one of those things, you know, where ten years later someone gets famous for it, and you think to yourself, "fuck, I was using that for chapter keywords while we were still living on Chestnut street."

Okay, maybe not.